Something New

This creature strikes me.

Her floral maxi dress flutters to her every movement. She lets her unrestrained moves carry her, almost to the point of oblivion. It seems as though nothing could stop this dancing contradiction – definitely not the stares from those clad in mini-dresses and mascara.

Perhaps it is her ostensible innocence; or the fact that her aura evokes nothing but feelings of sunshine and butterflies; or simply because she is clearly not part of the ‘hopped-up’ theme every other person appears to have adhered to.

I am drawn to her.

I approach her with a silly smile and light sticks as offerings. The whites of her teeth reflect the colours of the lights as she takes them from me. She extends them above her head and waves them to the beat.

“Cops!” someone screams.

I take her hand in mine and we run out of this abandoned house.

Written in response to Amelia's 150-word story challenge.

16 thoughts on “Something New

  1. Yep, very scene-y! And a bit hard to tell what exactly is happening. It’s like you just threw in the abandoned house phrase at the end to fulfill my prompt 😉 Perhaps I’m missing something? But I would have liked a description of the setting, where they actually are, rather than focusing entirely on the girl. That perhaps would give it more progression and make it seem less like a single moment in time. Good job though, and thanks for participating! 🙂


    • Yeah, it was intended to be a scene. Most of my stories tend to be just scenes. I’m really no good with plots. But I’ll try to work on it next time!

      The characters are actually at a rave – illegal mass gathering at abandoned places to party. I didn’t actually want to give that away, but sort of have the reader guess that with the dancing, running from cops and abandoned house. Perhaps I should have just explicitly mentioned that.

      Thanks for the feedback! 🙂


      • I thought it would have been somewhere like that but I wasn’t certain! It’s good to leave some things to interpretation, though, so there’s nothing wrong with how vague you are – you’re perfectly right not to be explicit 🙂 And the whole point of this challenge is for us all to experiment with making tiny scene-sized pieces into stories! I always link a couple of useful websites on my challenge posts for you to look through if you want some more examples of how to be less scene-y. 🙂


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